PIVOTING AT 37

I don’t think we’ve met !

My name is Malini Mohan.

They say it is easy to learn or unlearn things when you are young. And that questions me, “what is the definition of young?” Is it the age that you go to school and learn or is it the age that you learn what life is.

Well, in the latter case, I am a toddler, because I learned things late in life. Got married at 29 and then started my business at 30. Ok ! wait for it. Making the major decision of uprooting myself from my homeland to a foreign land at the age of 37!

People thought I was crazy or just being impulsive as always. Our businesses were going well back in India. Our family, friends and all the jing bangs were around us. The question was “ why move, when you have everything working for you?”

I asked myself several times if I was sure of the move or rather was I sure I wanted to leave everything behind and start everything fresh. And I think I already had the answer in me and the urgency to exit from my current life. It was not an easy decision and still not easy being in a country unknown to me.

The main questions that I asked myself were:-

“Am I ready to go to college again?”

“Will my brain function the same way as a 20 year old?”

“ Will I be able to culturally adjust to a new country, which I had no knowledge about?”

“Will I be able to stay apart from my husband, while he is back in India?” (Which is considered a taboo)

And a million others…

And to top it all off, just a few months before my trip, my dad passed away in 2020, which made it even more difficult as my mother was going to be all alone, and that was definitely going to raise eyebrows among my relatives and friends.

Being a people pleaser all my life or rather being brought up that way, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I am going to disappoint a lot of people with my stern decision. And above and beyond all this the tension if my visa will get approved at this age amidst all the covid restrictions and travel bans.

Those few months were the most confusing stage in my life. But I think what worked well for me was that one person who stood behind me like a rock (my husband). You don’t need a crowd to support your decision, one or two important people in your life is all that matters and they are remembered everyday.

And it is also important to stay focused on your vision- mine was to have a better retirement life and also being in a country with a neutral outlook to religion, gender and humans was one of my top reasons for the shift.

It is very important to ask yourself if you are happy, just not with your relationships, job or other petty factors. But about how you are doing internally and are things or the place that you are at makes you happy. And it is ok to make major changes to your life after 30 or 35.

Age shouldn’t be your defining factor of what you can or you can’t. Neither should be the external noise that you hear on a daily basis. It should be what “YOU” want to do or what makes “you” happy. It is easier said than done.

The real struggle started once I reached the country that I wanted to be at. Most of us are used to a social support system, on which we can fall back if we can’t function. And that was what I left back in India, family, friends, my business and a familiar place. But what kept me going was that it was my decision and not anyone else deciding it for me.

It is very important that one makes their own life decisions and it is perfectly fine to fail at them too. Failing at things to understand how to get up and move forward, rather than sulking about what didn’t work out in your life. Stop giving excuses to yourself. You can give excuses and fool everyone else but what is the point fooling yourself because you are the one going to bear the brunt at the end of it.

No matter the age, or the life struggles, it is important that you look inward, rather than pointing fingers at others or life situations which are not working for you.

Move forward, fall, get stuck, fail at it, get up again, fail again but just remember to “Pivot” when it is required.